Assertiveness is one of the values to master on the road to spiritual growth. learn how to practise this skill most effectively.
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The Tools for Practising Assertiveness
You already know how important assertiveness is. However, I have not given you much advice yet. Now, after some time of research. you can find the answer to the question: "How to practise assertiveness?" Firstly, let's learn some principles of assertiveness:
Tool No. 1: Assertiveness Means Staying Calm
Breathe normally. Remember to look the person in the eye and to keep your face relaxed. Speak in a normal voice. If you struggle, chant a mantra, e.g., PEACE - HARMONY - LOVE. Repeat it if your body starts creating endorphins.
You can also use short visualisation. For example, imagine that you are in a beautiful, wonderful place, let’s say on the beach where you feel absolutely happy and safe. Hold this image if your tension will go away.
Tool No. 2: Aim for Openness and Honesty
Be open-minded. Remember to respect other people when you are sharing your wants, feelings, needs, opinions, or beliefs. But also listen patiently and do not judge when the other person presents his or her own.
Tool No. 3: Listen Attentively
This is one of the most important principles of assertiveness. Try to understand the other person’s point of view. It means that you should not interrupt when they are explaining their point of view to you.
I will write something more about attentive listening on this website, so stay tuned to my blog.
Tool No.4: Assertiveness Means Patience
Being assertive is a skill that needs practice. Firstly, you need to be patient with yourself.
Rome was not built within one day and your new skills will be polished with practice. Observe your progress and set assertiveness as your goal.
Secondly, be patient with the person to whom you are talking. Remember that there are ups and downs, but you can always learn from your mistakes.
Tool No. 5: Take a Problem-Solving Approach to Conflicts
Try to see the other person as your friend instead of your enemy. Use Stephen Covey's principle "Seek to Understand Before Being Understood." You will gain more by applying it.
The principle indicates that first try to be in the other person's shoes to understand their perspective better.
Then you can confront their point of view with your needs and wants. I do not suggest resigning from your rights and needs, just to understand that e.g., the other person might also have been hurt and just passes it on to you, often unaware of the harm done to you.
Tool No. 6: Avoid Guilt Trips
Be honest and tell others how you feel or what you want. However, never use accusations or make them feel guilty. Manipulation with guilt never works in the long run. Address the facts, not the person.
This emotion can be justified or unjustified. Assertiveness assumes not to cause any of these types.
Tool No. 7: Agree to Disagree
Remember that having a different point of view does not mean that you are right, and the other person is wrong.
Everything is relevant and there is always a grain of truth in your and the other person's standpoint. Try to find the third alternative, the solution which will work for both sides of the conflict.
Tool No. 8: Decide to Positively Assert Yourself
Commit to being assertive rather than passive or aggressive and start practising this kind of behaviour today.
Passive behaviour involves putting other people's needs ahead of your own. Passive people often lack their own opinions and may seem very easy-going (at least much easier to be around than aggressive people) as they are happy to be bossed about and have life planned out for them.
Click here to set healthy boundaries in your relationship - the article continues below:
Aggressive people, on the other hand, put their own needs ahead, without negotiating with other individuals or taking them into account.
Aggressive people's opinions are the only ones that matter in interpersonal communication and these individuals become angry very easily if you start showing assertiveness.
Use any conflict in your life as an opportunity to practise assertiveness. Never resign from your rights to be respected and understood, but also remember to respect and understand others.
Tool No. 9: Assertiveness Means Using ‘I’
You will learn more about using the right statements while practising assertiveness. One of them is to use statements that include ‘I’ in them such as ‘I think’ or ‘I feel’. Never use aggressive language with generalisation and starting with "you", e.g. ‘you always’ or ‘you never.
Tool No. 10: Meditate
Meditation will help you to solve problems concerning difficult beings and issues. Connecting with your soul and all the beings supporting you on the way to spiritual growth, plus having visions will enable you to be more assertive.
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Tool No. 11: Mock Your Assertiveness
Sometimes it may be hard to confront when the test emerges. You just cannot do it properly.
Then, practise assertive replies BEFORE meeting difficult individuals, e.g., your family who are obdurate and do not agree with your new way of spiritual growth and being awakened.
For example, you may say:
MUM/DAD (and any other person) I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR LIFE JOURNEY DIFFERS FROM MINE. GO YOUR WAY BUT PLEASE, ACCEPT MY CHOICE AS I ACCEPT YOURS. DOING SO MEANS THAT YOU RESPECT ME AS YOUR NEIGHBOUR THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE RESPECTED.
or you can just say:
RESPECT YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOU DO NOT KNOW THEIR WAY.
In A Nutshell
Today you have learnt nine principles of assertiveness. They include staying calm, using the "I" form, staying assertive rather than aggressive or passive, not manipulating with guilt, having a problem-solving attitude, being patient, and self-confident, listening attentively and being open during communication. With lots of love and light,
Vicky
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About
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach who inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
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The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.