People often say that it is difficult to let go of anger and bitterness. Hence, today I will give you a recipe for solving this problem.
What Are Anger And Bitterness
Before I show you how to deal with anger and bitterness, let’s understand these terms properly.
Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. It signalises that someone or yourself have crossed and reached your boundaries, like entering the strange territory.
Yet if channelled properly, anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems and I will be writing how to cope with it.
In other worlds, resentment and ranklement, is
a complex, multilayered emotion- rather than one of Ekman’s six basic emotions.Wikipedia
These emotions have been described as a mixture of disappointment, anger and fear. Other related emotions include disgust, sadness and surprise, as well as the perception of injustice, as are envy and spleen.
Further, Wikipedia states that “Resentment can be triggered by an emotionally disturbing experience felt again or relived in the mind, and is a compound emotion (including cognitive elements) elicited in the face of insult and/or injury.” To make things simpler, I will call resentment “bitterness” in this post.
How To Let Go Anger And Bitterness In Five Steps
There are five steps which you need to follow in order to let go of anger and bitterness. They are the same for both these emotions.
1. Take Responsibility
When being angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong, which essentially gives away your power. According to the Law of Focus, what you dwell on grows. Therefore, change your mindset and put on different glasses, the ones which show only the things that you can do better. Then instead of thinking how badly you were hurt, your energy will be used for more productive purposes.
Read more about mental wellness
- how to eradicate negative thoughts
- how to use your thoughts for creating love, happiness, health and abundance
- how to overcome mental challenges
2. Choose an Option
Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. We exclude the first one and become proactive. While focusing on how to change the situation, your brain releases endorphins and you become motivated to do something.
However, sometimes you just cannot change e.g. your parents so that you need to accept them as they are. Of course, then you also need to take action – learn how to look differently at them and how to channel your anger and bitterness.
3. Feel Anger And Bitterness Fully
Be aware that stifling your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you, the people who have not deserved negativity and are innocent. I do not suggest being angry all the time and lose control, but channelling in a positive, safe way.
4. Give Yourself A Rant Window
Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.
There are some effective ways of feeling and releasing anger and bitterness:
Take a piece of paper and write down what you are feeling, even weeping or shouting at the same time. When you finish, tear the sheet of paper and burn or shred it.
I often use affirmations and it works very well. Here are the examples:
I ….. (YOUR NAME) AM LETTING ANGER/BITTERNESS GO NOW
I ….. (YOUR NAME) AM DISSOLVING ANGER/BITTERNESS RIGHT NOW
Go out and play some sport where kicking and throwing is being involved. For example, you can try any kind of -ball: basketball, volleyball, football, American football, tennis, badminton. Brisk walk and swimming are also beneficial. Throwing pillows on the bed or even in the air, imagining a held object also works.
Shouting And Singing
Go out to the forest, to an empty space and cry your anger as loud as you can. Singing a rock song is another option so that join the music group or go to a concert.
Wear the Rubber
Wear a rubber band on your wrist and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. In this way, you will train your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.
Metaphorically throw it away. I will give you one example: briskly jog with a backpack full of tennis balls. Build up a bit of rush, and then toss the balls one by one, labelling each as a part of your anger.
You can also have a shower and visualise how your anger is being flushed down to the pipe with water. Imagine that all the burden and heavy load are letting go forever.
Confront the Wrongdoer
If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you because communication of your feelings may help you move on. Be aware, however, that you cannot control how the wrongdoer responds. Be prepared for aggression and denial. Remember that you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.
Learn more about forgiveness
- How To Practise Holistic Forgiveness. Holistic Approach
- Holistic Forgiveness: How To Practise It
- How To Forgive Your Parents
5. Consider These Two Facts
It is important to consider two important facts which I will describe below:
Put Yourself In the Offender’s Shoes
You never know the whole picture, the exact context of why someone has breached your boundaries. We all make mistakes. It also often happens that the offender was angry with someone else or just could not cope with their feelings, throwing them on you. Sometimes people are ill, take medications which increase aggression. Yet remember that you always have the right to assert yourself.
Anger Hurts You More Than The Wrongdoer
Be aware of your precious energy and never waste it for negativity. Remember that the offender has hurt you once while you often ruminate on the act, hurting yourself again a million more times. Therefore, visualize your anger melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.
Today you have learnt how to let go of anger and bitterness in five steps. You need to take responsibility for your reaction, choose change or acceptance and use a way of dissolving anger or bitterness. The best ways include writing, singing, shouting, playing the -ball sports.
Use meditation as a powerful tool to cleanse the negativity of bitterness and heal your emotional wounds. To amplify the process, connect with me on Saturday at 8 IST.
Learn More About Meditation
- what holistic meditation is about
- how to transform the world and your life by holistic meditation
- who needs meditation the most
- 6 mistakes during meditation
So tell me… how do you cope with anger and bitterness? I’d love to hear below!
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Vicky is an experienced holistic teacher whose work has influenced the lives of millions globally. Born into a family with a history of abuse, Vicky was taught about the plight of the human condition from a young age. As a spiritual mentor and coach, Vicky’s mission is to help others experience freedom, wholeness, and peace in all stages of life, on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level. Vicky also encourages people to connect with the Source and other beings by meditation.