Assertiveness is indispensable in today's world. However, not many people do know how well they master this skill. Can you, do it? Learn how to be assertive today.
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Are You Assertive?
There are some traits of assertiveness that you can have or not. This time I will not bother you with checkboxes. Instead, you will define how much you agree with a given statement. Open your journal or diary and do the exercise.
I know that the concept of three kinds of behaviour concerning assertiveness is not new. But this post will not only help you to diagnose the problem of aggression or being passive but also will help you to address the challenging traits.
1. Assertive Behaviour
The first group of statements indicates your strong assertive skills:
Behaving in a self-confident manner,
Expressing your opinions, even if other members of the group disagree with you,
Feeling comfortable saying no to people,
Accepting responsibilities and being able to delegate to others,
Being able to admit to mistakes, apologise and maintain self-control,
Ability to talk to people richer or more powerful than you,
Being open in expressing wishes, thoughts and feelings and encouraging others to do likewise,
Regularly expressing appreciation of others for what they have done or are doing,
Listening to the views of others and responding appropriately, whether agreeing with those views or not.
2. Unassertive Behaviour
There are two cases of unassertiveness: submissiveness and aggression (direct or indirect). Submissiveness will not help you to achieve your goals There are attitudes indicating that you lack assertiveness happen in the following cases:
You feel that people take advantage of you.
Talking to people in positions of authority (e.g., bank clerks) makes you feel, nervous, self-conscious, or unsure of yourself,
You feel threatened when dealing with someone who is very assertive.
Rumination about the stormy situation, thinking of all the things you could have said, regretting that you had not thought of them then, or wishing you had the guts to say them.
You are afraid of making phone calls to institutions, government agencies or businesses because you might sound stupid if you do not understand the instructions.
You do what people suggest, even if you feel like doing something else (e.g., going out).
Tendency to accept responsibility for other people's mistakes instead of arguing.
Propensity to go along with what everyone else wants, instead of satisfying your own desires.
You tend to be speechless when you are left alone with a person you find attractive.
You would probably end up giving in and choosing the kind of lunch that your work colleague suggests.
3. Aggressive Behaviour
If you agree with the statements below in most situations, then your problem is not a lack of assertiveness, but being aggressive. Aggressiveness can be direct (yelling)or indirect (sulking). I will give you joint cases, i.e., for both kinds of aggression. It happens when you:
Use intimidation to ensure that you get your way.
Lose your temper and swear at people.
Cut in when the other person tries to explain the situation.
Plan things without consulting other people about what they think of it.
Yell at people when you do not get your way.
or:
Stop talking to someone after he/she has said/done something that has breached your boundaries.
Show distance (physical or emotional) when someone criticises you instead of using healthy communication.
Show a cynical attitude.
Complain about feeling underappreciated frequently.
Calculate the score in each category:
yes 3 points
somewhat 1 point
no 0 points
Add up the score in each category. It may happen that you tend to be a passive-aggressive person, or more than one attitude is present in your lifestyle.
Analyse Your Score
Take your diary or notebook and write down the incidents scoring 3 points that happen in your life. You might need to dig deeper to solve the problem. Check these clues:
Beliefs - if you consider yourself as unworthy of respect, lack of assertiveness will be your second nature. In the case of aggressiveness, you may want to prove your worth for every sake.
Thoughts - these mental patterns result from beliefs and current events. also, negative beings may disempower you.
Social pressure and mind control use manipulation installing unworthiness and then unassertiveness.
You can also notice that there were cases from more than one category present in your analysis, even if one category dominates. Address all incidents that scored 3 points.
Take Action to Restore Assertive Behaviour in Your Life
Do you know what causes a lack of assertiveness or aggressive behaviour? Now let's use some tools to solve the problem.
1. Change your Thoughts
They transform your reality. With a positive and assertive attitude, you are more efficient and it is easier to achieve your goals. Start creating uplifting thoughts and eliminate any sabotage, worry and fear.
2. Work on Your Relationships
Healthy relationships, build on respect, love and care, can be your treasure. Check each kind of relationship: with your partner, children, other family members, neighbours and co-workers. What is similar in your way of communication? What boundaries are breached?
3. Overcome Social Pressure and Manipulation
We are afraid of rejection or alienation when other people do not accept us or exclude us from their circle of influence. What is worse, there are many social engineering uses to intensify this fear.
However, you do not need to sit with your arms tied, waiting for another case of being bullied, shammed, or blackmailed. Use these couple of tips:
Ignore everything that manipulators do or say,
Find the manipulative technique and disarm it.
Stop compromising and show that there are other groups that accept you.
Take responsibility for yourself and your happiness.
Related articles:
The Cases When You Need Assertiveness the Most
Now let's check what cases may require the most assertiveness at work and in relationships. Check each of them and define how well you are doing. Do you dare to act that way?
Work
Talking to your boss about a raise.
Handling your bosses' or co-workers' criticism.
Reporting mobbing and any other kind of abuse.
A fair share of common resources (computer, desk space, printer).
Accepting/Rejecting extra tasks so that you do not need to do the job overtime when unnecessary.
Saying "no" to any kind of abuse (verbal, physical, financial, emotional blackmail).
Setting boundaries, for parents (e.g., visiting their baby grandchild).
Setting boundaries in case of the freedom of having own opinions.
Saying "no" to anything that breaches the boundaries of intimacy.
Assertiveness and Your Soul Plan
Now let's look at assertiveness from the viewpoint of reincarnation. Souls can decide when and how to practice assertiveness in many different ways. They also define where is your starting point, and how difficult it will be to learn to be assertive. Hence you choose partners, bosses, friends and family members to polish this skill.
The task is harder than you think because no one teaches u assertiveness in abusive families in childhood. Rather than learning this skill, it is stifled and punished. So, then you need some helpful people and practice in your adult life. But you can do it.
Meditate
Apart from the tips used on an everyday basis, you can also use your spiritual power. Use meditation to polish your assertiveness. You can do the following things:
Cleanse yourself from any abuse, caused by unassertive or aggressive behaviour
Ask God for help to be assertive and self-confident
Ask God for clues for solving problematic cases in your life
Let's meditate together
Connect by telepathy during meditation on Saturdays at 8 pm GMT. I will meditate with you and other people so that our joint energy can create miracles. Send your intention to the Universe. Transform your life and the world.
More about meditation
In a Nutshell
Today you had an opportunity to test what attitudes dominate your behaviour: assertive, aggressive or passive. In some cases, more than one may be your major one. With lots of love and light,
Vicky
About
Vicky is an experienced holistic writer and coach that inspires, motivates, and encourages everyone to become the best version of themselves - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
DISCLAIMER
The content of Awaken Happy Life is published for educational and informative purposes only. It does not substitute medical or any other professional advice. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. The author of Awaken Happy Life is not liable for any consequences of applying any piece of advice published on this website by the reader.
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