Toxic people can make you unhappy and destroy your biggest dreams. Learn what to do to disarm toxic friends efficiently and for good.
I will be writing about disarming toxic friends, not destroying them because destruction is against the creation of a happy holistic life. We simply create and build with positivity.
However, it does not mean putting your second cheek on the person who destroys your life. You’d rather based on your wisdom how to protect and be assertive, and in some cases – cut off toxic friends.
Who Is a Toxic Friend
I am writing about both true friends and casual acquaintances. It can be any person who acts as an energetic vampire or destroys your peace of mind, either directly or in a subtle way.
Sometimes it is hard to recognise toxic friends as they act in disguise, dissembling their feelings and behaviour.
But there are some specific traits of toxic friends which I am listing below. These traits will be grouped into some categories for easier reading.
How To Recognise Toxic Friends
Some useful clues indicate when someone is a toxic friend. You can notice these clues in their behaviour, communication and the way you react being around this person.
Behaviour
Calling only when they want.
Being aggressively competitive.
Your relationship with these people is built on their terms.
Using your secrets against you.
Having a malignant influence on you, i.e. encouraging you to do evil things.
Trying to change you.
Communication
The conversation with toxic friends is not equal (e.g. you are dominated by their monologue).
Humiliating you in front of other people.
Bitching about you behind your back.
Bitching about others in your presence.
Your Reactions
You feel bad about yourself spending time with toxic friends.
Not being able to count on them in need.
You feel isolated from the circle of your friends.
You are giving more than you are getting.
Not being able to trust them anymore.
Other Subtle Symptoms
They bring drama to your life.
You feel exhausted after contact with them.
Toxic friends induce negative thoughts, and emotions, weakening your aura.
They increase your stress.
Toxic friends destroy your self-confidence and self-esteem
Exercise
Take your diary or journal for personal work. List six people with whom you spend most of the time. It can be a close friend, neighbour, boss or family member. Then check each of these individuals. Have got the traits listed above? If they have any of them, the time has come to act.
How To Disarm Toxic Friends
There are many articles where you can find some tips on coping with toxic friends. Not all of them are holistic, though. Hence, I have prepared 12 tips which you can use instantly, one of them or more at the same time.
1. Acknowledge That They Are Toxic
After having done the exercise described above, you can notice one thing: there is at least one individual who might have a toxic influence on you.
Do not stop there, though. Toxic friends may be critics, complainers, control-freaks or when they backbite you.
Any of your friends who are using verbal abuse (like ridiculing or name-calling you) do not deserve to be your friend.
If you feel disempowered in any way, on the physical, mental, and spiritual level, you are facing a toxic relationship.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries to Disarm Toxic Friends
Now that you know what type of toxic person your friend or acquaintance is, the time has come to set your boundaries. Here are some questions which will help you:
- How much space do you need in the relationship?
- What is the give-take balance?
- Are you heard and are your needs acknowledged by your friend?
How do you both treat the differences (e.g., different tastes in music, attitude to life?
These are only some examples of healthy boundaries. Define, which of your boundaries have been crossed by your friend. They have a serious talk with him or her. Assert that they should treat you with respect. If it does not work, the time has come to move on.
Getting rid of toxic traits in an individual is rarely easy. At first, toxic friends might not respect your new boundaries now and they may not do it later either. But take some time.
To instil new rules in your friends’ minds, persistence is important. You need to communicate your boundaries many times and your so-called friends either accept them with time or go away, or you will cut off them.
However, bear in mind that your toxic friends have the free will to change their behaviour or not. If they remain stubborn, follow the next steps described in this article.
4. Never Feel Like You Owe Them a Huge Explanation
Tell them how you feel, which is a subject not open for debate. You can also keep it simple: Communicate with them calmly and kindly: you do not want and tolerate any toxic people in your life anymore.
Leave it at that. It is up to you how much or how little you tell them. Every relationship requires a different approach, i.e., your close friends and acquaintances at work.
You can also give them a last chance. Beware though that it may cause you stress, or they may improve for a while, hoping that you will change your new rules.
5. Disarm Toxic Friends by Public Conversation
Toxic people can become belligerent or even violent. Talking to them in public can significantly diminish the chances of this happening. If you run into problems, you can just leave or ask other people for help, in case they treat you with physical violence.
However, do not talk to toxic friends in the presence of other people who may humiliate you. For example, never use a family dinner or a meeting at work for this purpose.
6. Disarm Toxic Friends by Cutting Them Off on Social Media
Technology makes distancing more difficult. Therefore, never leave any window open for someone to bully or cajole you. You have set boundaries, so remember to stick to them.
Shutting down email and other lines of communication with a toxic person might also be an option. Do not forget about blocking their number on your phone, including WhatsApp.
7. Disarm Toxic Friends by Cutting Contact with Them
Beware of the danger that your friends might come back even after you tell them to go away. You might have to tell them to leave several times to go before they finally do it.
Be firm and persistent, otherwise, the process of separation will become more difficult as your toxic friends will not treat your words seriously.
Separation is difficult in the case of the people you must meet regularly. You can change the job but living next to your kin or having noisy neighbours is a bigger challenge.
Then, start from mental and emotional separation. Create new people coming to your life and a more auspicious place/job.
8. Never Argue with Toxic Friends
It is tempting to fall into the dynamic of toxicity by arguing or fighting; that is precisely what toxic people do.
Be prepared for their violent reaction to your message of ending the relationship with them. It can also happen when they must hear the brutal truth about themselves.
Be assertive, and polite, but also firm. never tolerate any kind of abuse and communicate to your toxic friends that you will not talk to them until you are treated with respect.
9. Disarm Toxic Friends by Writing a Letter to Them
Sometimes your so-called friends can be so aggressive that writing a letter is a better idea. However, you can also use this technique to cleanse your mind and vent your emotions.
Clarify your thoughts and articulate your feelings. You can also refer to the letter later. For example, it is useful when you may need to remember why you decided to cut someone out.
It is important because toxic people often do everything they can to stay in your life. Never forget the way they have treated you.
10. Disarm Toxic Friends by Protecting Your Aura
This is something that traditional psychology ignores when you want to disarm toxic friends. But with your aura, which is weakened by negative energy, it is difficult to set boundaries or cut off. To protect your aura, use the following methods:
- Surrounding with White Divine Light,
- Going to the mirror capsule, bouncing toxic people’s negative energy back,
- Smudging your place with white sage,
- Keeping high vibrations,
- Praying,
- Meditation.
11. Clean Your Aura After Any Contact with Them
Protection is important to disarm toxic friends. However, don’t forget about cleansing your aura. Even when you cut off some toxic friends, there is always someone who can try to poison you with negativity. Here is what you can do to cleanse your aura:
- Keep your house tidy – dirt accumulates negative energy.
- Smudge yourself and your space with white sage.
- Have a bath with Epson or sea salt
- Light candles to purify your environment
Play some music of special frequencies raising vibrations (e.g. 432 Hz 528 Hz or Solfeggio) - Expose your body to the sunlight or moonlight to cleanse your aura.
12. Meditate to Disarm Toxic Friends
Meditation is beneficial both for cleansing and protecting your aura. During this practice, you can also create a new reality, toxic people-free or illuminate these individuals.
You can connect to your friends and the people radiating high vibrations to empower the effect of meditation.
While meditating, you disarm toxic friends by deterring all negative entities and gaining help from positive Beings of Light.
Meditation also allows you to recharge your spiritual energy and therefore, be stronger not only in terms of energy.
In A Nutshell
Today you have learnt twelve tips to help you disarm toxic friends. Try them today and see how your life will change for a more positive one. Good luck. With lots of love and light,
Vicky Yang
